Can I let you in on a little secret? Because I’m going to.

This blog is the culmination of six years of struggle and growth. SIX years of identifying strongholds in my life. Realizing things about myself I didn’t care to admit. That might sound a little deep, a little dramatic to some of you. Right?! It does to me, too. Ha! But I dare to guess, that if you’re really honest with yourself, you might share my struggles.

I said six years of growth. Let me take you back to the beginning of that. If you’re reading this, you’re probably a mama. So is it safe to assume we can all pinpoint a change in our world the moment we found out we were going to be a mama? Six years ago, three days after getting married, we loaded our wedding gifts, some of my childhood belongings and his childhood dresser on a Mayflower moving truck. Then we left Iowa, the place we both grew up, to start our new life in Southern California. We knew no one!

I graduated college a two months prior. So after taking a few weeks to settle into our one bedroom, 700 sq ft apartment, I started the job search. I worked very hard through high school and college to build a solid resume. So this, this was my chance to prove all that was worth something. All that work would prove my worth when I got hired as a “professional.” Starting my career, even if short lived, would give me purpose. I just knew it! Honestly, I wouldn’t have admitted that to anyone, even my husband. But like the song that my son is listening to at this very moment says, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also,” my work was my treasure.

Still with me? I promise all the posts won’t be this long! But you need to know where I’m coming from to understand my heart in starting this blog!

Well, take those circumstances, all the hard work, and let’s get back six years ago. That’s where I was. Three months into marriage, and a few days before a second round interview for one position, we found out I was pregnant. Pregnant. What?! I planned to work for a couple years before staying home with kids. In my head, it’d take me a year to get pregnant. I’d work through my pregnancy. Use my two years of income to pay off student loans. THEN I would stay home. It was the perfect plan.

I’ll skip my whole identity crisis that ensued after not getting that job and deciding to stay home. I’ll share it in small chunks, otherwise I’m sure you’ll fall asleep! But in the past six years of motherhood, God stripped layer, after layer away in my heart, exposing where I had placed truly placed my value and worth. Surprise, surprise to find it prettily wrapped up in striving, in perfectionism, in proving to others that I was capable. That my work, my title, my busyness, proved my worth. (Anyone relating yet? Maybe? Maybe deep down?)

Writing has been a best friend of sorts since my mom gave me my first Pooh bear in third grade. It’s an outlet. A processing mechanism for me. I realized I love telling stories and sharing them with the world back in high school. But before I recognized my love for writing, I recognized my love to encourage. It makes my heart beat. It brings me life. And I used to believe using those gifts would bring me worth.

So here I am. Starting a blog. Four kids later. One I wanted to start after becoming a stay-at-home mom. But had I started it then, to be completely transparent, it would have been for selfish reasons. A false way to prove my worth to myself. To gain a following and prove to everyone else that “I had it in me.” Well, THANK GOD, I didn’t start it then!

Because now? I’m writing not for selfish gain, but to encourage you. To share hope if you’re in that place of your worth being defined by anything other than the worth God created you with, gave you and longs for you to live rooted in. Maybe you place your worth in motherhood? Maybe you live a life defined by low confidence and fear? Please know that is NOT your worth. Give yourself permission to start believing, even the tiniest bit, God has freedom for you. Confidence! And THAT, my sweet mamas, is my hope, my prayer and my heart for this blog. I pray it isn’t just another mommy blog, but a true encouragement. A safe place.

That by me vulnerably sharing my story, YOU would know you’re not alone. That you dare to believe, dream and hope again that God longs for you to define your worth by His worth alone. So you may live joyfully confident and free! And join me in calling yourself a redefined mama.

Big hugs and so much love to you,

Jenna

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